Le douleur exquise en tres tiempos

I

Seguramente soy masoquista. Donde esta la linea ? Entre creer,asi, CREER de verdad que funcionara, que las cosas volverán hacer o serán incluso mejores..y solo aferrarse algo que te destruye, que te causa dolor, que te hacer sentir mal.... porque no puedo desterrar este sentimiento, sacar las tijeras y cortar esta conexión siniestra. No amarte mas, y no sentirte mas, y no sentir esto, como ahora, esta certeza, que en este mismo momento, esta rompiendo tu promesa, una vez mas. Que en este mismo momento, no se como, no se porque, de nuevo, no estás donde deberías, sino con de nuevo, con ella..... Estos son los hechos?????

II

And now it starts. It starts the silence love that is filled with pain. Now it starts this deep cut in the side of my soul so real as the one on the  middle of my heart. And now it starts the tears running while I cook, I while I clean, while life keeps rushing out as normal as if this catastrophe wasn't happening.  The dreams where I find you in the middle of the street, and I hold you so close to mee.. and said it said it so softly that you barely hear me.  I love you; I love you so much it seems like hate; I love you deeply, madly.I love you violently, I love you peacefully, I love you respectfully, I love you cursing you,.I love your eyes, I love your nose, your hair, I love every square inch of air That touches you.I love you in every way possible And I love you in impossible ways.I love you darkly, Calmly, cruelly, selfishly; I love the stormy passion you inspire; sweet stark desire, I love you unbearably, heartbreakingly, I love you tenderly, In sadness and in joy I love you now and forever. I love you Even if I’ll never have you. Not anymore. And if I tell you the truth I enjoy this pain because is the only thing left...and when is gone, my love, my life, my soul.... when the pain disappears. when the pain lets go of my throat  and I breath again. Then, you will be gone too, my love. So I love the pain, this exquisite pain of knowing that I love you, even when I lost  you, or maybe never had you.

So, thats my truth, because I love you, I love the pain that is the only thing that you left me... The pain and this black heart. 

III

Parlo di te. Così spiacevole mai io vivo d'attesa. Vivo per ascoltare la melodia della tua voce. Vivo per bere avidamente il acqua fresca di tua bocca. Dolore, inarrestabile, eterno. Una croce, su cui appendo la mia solitudine. Un lenzuolo, su cui le ferite profonde maturo. Le lacrime, che segnano il viso come una processione funebre. Intorno, la gente in il silenzio. Mio cuore, stretto, schiacciato dal buio.il squisito dolore staccato in mio corpo..